Altered Memories
by ethereal-tenshi
Summary: What if Homura altered Goku's memories to make him think that Homura is his sun while Sanzo-ikkou is his enemy? Especially Sanzo! My first Saiyuki fic! R&R!
1. Chapter 1: part one, stage I: The dream

Ethereal-tenshi: Hi!!! I am ethereal-tenshi. Most of the writers here should have seen my name in their reviews. After a long time, I have decided to write saiyuki fic!! And since my current PA is sensitive to Yaoi, so I replaced him with a temporary PA. Meet Melinda Ann Baxter!!

Melinda: Hi!! Nice to meet you all!

Ethereal-tenshi: Ok, Melinda get me the blonde wig in the dressing room.

Melinda: Yes sir!! hops to the dressing room

Ethereal-tenshi: While Melinda busy, I want to dedicate this fic to all my fellow author friends like; Hanae Da firefly, Am1-13th, Eiri Izz, Gallatica, star-chan and last but definitely not the least, my beta reader: Mabaroshi16!!!! Mabo-san, thank you so much for beta read mine, so this chapter is dedicated to you!!!! glomps

Melinda: finally arrive with a wig in her hand Here you go, tenshi-chan!

Ethereal-tenshi: take the wig Thank you! put it on how do I look?

Goku (pops out of no where): Wah!! You look almost like Sanzo and the robe looks exactly the same!

Ethereal-tenshi: Really? Well, if Goku said so then I am. Well, bye!

Goku & Melinda: Bye? Where are you going?

Ethereal-tenshi: To an anime convention! Ja ne!!

Ethereal-tenshi exits the room.

Melinda: Well, hope she wins this time.

BANG!! BANG!!

Goku: That was Sanzo's gun. Why is he—

Sanzo: came out of the back room WHO THE HELL TOOK MY ROBE!!!!??? # # # #

Goku & Melinda: looks at each other Don't tell me that she really took Sanzo's......?

Altered Memories.

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belong to Kazuya Minekura-sensei.

Warnings: This fic contains **Y-A-O-I**!! So if you don't like it, get out of here!!! But there'll be no lime, I think. It depends.

Pairings: 39 and hint of 58. You know, the usual.

Chapter 1: Dream?

Sanzo looked at the view he received from the window of the inn they had decided to stay at for the night. He couldn't sleep, because he had slept quite well in the jeep for the whole day. It was surprising that he was able to, they didn't have a single youkai attack nor one from Homura. The idiots who sat behind him didn't make much noise either, since Goku had been asleep since the beginning of the day's journey. Speaking of Goku.....

Sanzo took a breath of smoke before he turned his attention from the view to the boy who was sleeping soundlessly on the bed. The even breathing told Sanzo that Goku was sleeping. It really was amazing how much the saru could sleep.

Goku then slowly turned his body and face towards Sanzo. He got a complete view of Goku with help from the light that radiated from the full moon outside. Sanzo's eyes slowly traced down the boy's face, taking it into his mind. Sanzo couldn't believe that he has fallen for Goku. The cold and mighty Sanzo fell for the innocent and genki Goku. Guess what they said is true, opposites do attract.

Sanzo first realized this when he accidentally drove Goku away because he was in a bad mood, and the saru was kidnapped by that damn kami, Homura. Sanzo hated to see that always genki face become sad or depressed, especially if it was because of him. Sanzo wanted to be the reason Goku smiled, not his reason to feel sad.

Sanzo sighed as he took another drag from his cigarette. He wondered if Goku felt the same way he did. Yeah, sure he's loyal and nice to him, but it's because he released Goku from that rock prison, nothing else. And Sanzo will be damned if Goku asks. He has a reputation to keep as a cold bastard! But if he were to find out that Goku had the same feeling as he did, what then?

He had promised himself that he wouldn't get attached to anyone anymore, too much that he would get hurt when he lost them. Just like Koumyo Sanzo houshi-sama. That's why Sanzo had been hitting him; trying to drive him away sometimes. And it worked once unintentionally when Goku ran away but Sanzo regretted it later on, knowing that Goku was only worried about him.

He wished that he could show affection towards Goku openly, but hey, he still had this thing called reputation and pride to keep. Those times when he did hit Goku with the fan, just to make sure that he wasn't attached too closely, had now become the way he showed affection and care towards Goku. As he took another look at Goku, he sighed again and ran his hand though his hair. No wonder he fell for Goku; lithe, agile, lean body, tanned skin, lips that look too sweet to kiss and, most of all, his golden eyes.

Sighing again, Sanzo got off the window sill, slowly and silently making his way towards Goku. When he reached Goku's bedside, he knelt down so he was eye level with Goku. He slowly raised a hand and traced it down Goku's face. As he did that, Goku seemed to stir a little, making Sanzo stopake Sanzos caught doing this. He 'ghed again, Sanzo got off the window sill and lowly ep. ..but wha tif ill get hurt. He'd be damned if he was caught doing this. Once Goku settled again, he caressed Goku's cheek and smiled a little when Goku unconsciously rubbed his cheek against Sanzo's hand and purred.

_/ "I'll take him away forcefully next time..."/_

Homura's words after Goku had come back still haunted him. What if he succeeded? The thought of losing Goku was terrifying enough. _I wouldn't let it happen.......I'll protect him. I made a promise to myself._ Then Sanzo moved his hand to run it through Goku's hair which caused the latter to smile contentedly.

"Bakasaru....."

He mumbled softly as he kissed Goku's forehead and got up. He was about to go to his bed so he could sleep, when he felt another presence there. His eyes quickly darted around to find the intruder, but before he could see who it was, someone pushed him onto his bed. He tried to get up but he couldn't, as if there was someone pinning him down, but he didn't see anyone.

_"Konzen...."_

That name alone was enough to tell Sanzo that Homura was there. The first thing that came to mind was Goku. The thought that Homura might kidnap Goku made him struggle even more.

_"Concerned, are we?"_

"Shut up Homura." Sanzo hissed as he tried unsuccessfully to get up from his bed.

_"Don't worry......I'm not going to take him......yet." _

Sanzo could imagine Homura looking down and smirking at him. "Worry? About what?" Sanzo scoffed at the unseen kami.

_"Hehe.__ Always denying it."_

Sanzo knew what he meant and took a secret glance at Goku. The boy was still sleeping soundlessly on the bed, unaware of what was happening in reality. Then Sanzo saw it: Homura, or to be more precise, his shadow hovering over Goku and slowly descending. Sanzo snarled and tried even harder to get up.

Suddenly Homura stopped and smirked. Only then Sanzo realized that there was white smoke in the air. He tried not to inhale whatever it was but was unsuccessful. After he unintentionally took a whiff, he slowly felt sleepy and his eyelids were getting heavy along with his body, as if the energy were being sucked right out of him.

_Shit, a sleeping gas...... _

Right before he closed his eyes, he saw Homura stretch out his hand towards Goku with an evil smirk.

_Yamero__........................._

And darkness finally claimed him.

================================

_Chiing_

The sound quickly woke Sanzo up. He abruptly looked around and saw..............absolutely nothing!! The only thing he could see was himself, which seemed to be..........glowing?

_What the fuck is going on here?!! _

Sanzo looked around again to find anything that could identify where he was. As he started walking, he tried to remember how he got here in the first place. By the time he remembered, he was cursing like hell for his luck and for all he knew he might be in a stupid, fucking prison that belong to that stupid Kami.

_When I get my hands on that asshole kami, I'm going to make su—_

Sob, wuahh........ sniff,

The soft cry alerted Sanzo and he put up his guard. He reached out for his gun but muttered out some NC-17 rated curses when he couldn't find it. He tried to find the source of the noise but failed.

sniff, wuahh....I'm s-scared......sniff.

The voice was familiar as he searched again and hoped to find something.

sobs. I'm a-alone........ all, sniff,alone....sob

Sanzo stiffened at those words, only one person he knew was that afraid to be alone. _Goku!!_ He started to walk faster while trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. He stopped once in a while to pinpoint the cry of his charge and started to move again towards the source. He started running faster when he saw another glowing image far away from him. As he got closer and closer, he became sure it was Goku. When he arrived, he was out of air, and Goku's back was facing him. He would have hit him with his harisen in relief, if only the form in front of him didn't have long hair that made Sanzo doubt that this was his Goku.

He then started to recognize the clothes Goku was wearing; the same clothes Sanzo remembered being on him when he first found the boy. "Oi!! Saru!! What are you doing here!?" He asked with his usual tone that hides his real feelings.

The boy stopped sobbing abruptly and slowly turned around to face the man. At first, his face was mildly surprised, but it slowly broke out into a wide smile that Sanzo was always glad to see. "Sanzo!!" Goku abruptly jumped on Sanzo and hugged him, causing the latter man to blush furiously.

_Clink...._

The same sound that had woken Sanzo earlier, got him out of his shocked state.

**THWACK**

"Itei! Sanzo!! What was that for?!" Goku whined as he rubbed the sore spot on his head. "Bakasaru!! I'm asking you a question!! Not asking you to hug me!!" With that Sanzo put his fan back in his robe, crossed his arms and tried to hide his smirk. _At least I still got this thing_. "Mou!!" Goku pouted as he hit the ground playfully.

_Cling...._

Sanzo looked again at Goku when he heard that clinking sound, only to find that Goku was bound by shackles on his legs, hands and neck, just like three years ago. The difference was, the chains were broken and left dangling, Sanzo also realized that Goku looked younger......like 9 or 10 years old and the clothes he was wearing were the same as three years ago, only they looked well kept instead of tattered and worn out.

Sanzo turned around and started walking. When he realized that Goku wasn't following him, he stopped. "Oi, saru!! Are you going to stay there all day?! Better hurry up or I'll leave you behind!" With that, he heard the sound of metal clashing into each other as the boy rushed to catch up.

"Sankyuu!! San—arghhh!!!" The scream caused Sanzo to look back where he saw Homura holding Goku by putting both of Goku's hands behind the boy, threatening to twist the arms until they broke. "Homura...." Sanzo hissed as Homura smirked and put his flaming sword to Goku's neck. Goku seemed powerless to do anything.

"Sanzo......" The heart breaking sound of Goku's voice broke out as he seemed to tremble in fear. It seems as if this Goku was more fragile than the one he knew, more.......young. Like a child who is afraid to be lost.

"He's mine, Konzen." Homura sneered as he let go of his grip on Goku's hand and covered Goku's tearful eyes with his hands. Just as he covered them, a yellow glow emitted from them.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!! ITAI!!!! HA—HANASE!! KYAAAAA!!!!!"

Goku's screams pierced through not only the space between them, but through Sanzo's heart as well. Sanzo's eyes were wide in anger and he clenched his teeth hard and his hands into fists. Goku was trying desperately to get Homura's hand off of his eyes by scratching it off or something but it was futile. Tears could be seen flowing down his cheeks because of the pain.

"Yamette!!" Sanzo was trying so hard to move but something was holding him back, all he could do was watch Goku suffer.

After what felt like forever, the screams finally stopped, much to Sanzo's relief. But not much since the smirk on Homura's face was getting wider. When he finally removed his hand, Sanzo didn't see the bright and cheerful eyes of Goku, but ones that were cold and full of hate staring back at him. Near his eyes, Sanzo realized, right between the eyes, almost at the bridge of his nose and heading slightly diagonally, was a fresh scar that seemed to be glowing red.

"Goku!! Run! Now!!" Sanzo shouted, fearing that Homura had more tricks up his sleeve. But Goku didn't do anything as Homura patted Goku's head just like Sanzo had done before. Goku looked at Homura and smile contentedly. Sanzo was confused by this and his confusion only worsened when heard Homura's command.

"Kill him...."

==================================

_Yawn_

_Wahhh__!! I never slept so well in my life!!_

Goku stretched contentedly on his bed and slowly opened his eyes only to be blinded by the morning sun. Noticing that he must have woken up late as usual, he quickly went to the bathroom before Sanzo could come along with his harisen and hit him for waking up late.

"Yamette......"

Goku almost jumped at the soft plea of another. He looked at the other bed and saw Sanzo still asleep, which surprised him. Usually he was already wide awake by the time Goku was. He came closer to wake the man up when he realized that something was wrong. He had seen Sanzo sleep before and his face never looked this strained when he was asleep. Usually he would look relaxed and calm; the total opposite from what he saw now.

Sanzo's face looked panicked, fearful and… angry? Goku sensed a movement coming from Sanzo and quickly backed away, just in case Sanzo all of the sudden hit him with the harisen for being too close. Waiting for the hit, or the usual 'bakasaru', to come he just closed his eyes and stood ready to take the blow.

"Goku... Run....Now..."

Goku opened his eyes abruptly when he heard his name being called by Sanzo, whose voice sounded........desperate?

_What is wrong with him?_

Goku look closer and saw the movement that he sensed earlier, Sanzo was clenching his teeth and his hands into fists. Then for the next few seconds, he didn't move at all, making Goku worried.

"Ne, Sanzo? Wake up. Are y—!!"

All of the sudden Sanzo's body jerked, Goku jumped at this but didn't back away, knowing something was wrong with his sun. "Sanzo!! Sanzo!! Kuso!!" He tried to wake Sanzo up by shaking him, but he arched his back and was holding his neck as if someone were strangling him. His feet were thrashing wildly on the mattress

"Kuso!!"

Knowing that it was useless, he quickly thought of Hakkai. He dashed to the doors and before he exited the room, took another glance at Sanzo, silently telling him to wait for him.

==================================

Goku was on top of Sanzo, straddling him. Oh, how long Sanzo had wished to be in this position, only he was to be on top. Oh, and Goku was not choking the life out of him either.

"Ugh.......let.....go.....ba-bakasaru....ackk!"

Goku tightened his grip on Sanzo's neck, causing the latter to choke even more. Sanzo opened one eye and saw Homura behind Goku, just standing there, looking down at him, smirking contentedly.

"Good, Son Goku."

With those words from Homura, Goku seemed to smile even more, as if he were happy to get praised by that bastard Kami. But the last two words shocked him.

"Finish him."

With that Goku tightened his grip as he smiled even more and Sanzo knew there was no way Goku would listen to him. But still, he had to try. "G-go—ku..." He couldn't talk anymore, he couldn't breathe and his vision was starting to get blurry. But not so much that he couldn't see Goku, even though slowly, the boy's image was starting to get blurry.

_Tick...._

Sanzo's eyes focused back abruptly at the soft sound and the slight wetness on one of his cheek. He tried his best to focus on the boy on top of him and saw that smile and happy face again. But Goku's eyes were empty, void of any emotions and had tears falling non-stop. Sanzo was surprised by this as he slowly lost his sight again, along with his consciousness. The last thing he heard was Goku's voice; torn between pleased and anguished, echoing through his mind.

"Sayonara, Genjo Sanzo."

"Genjo Sanzo..."

Genjo Sanzo....

Sanzo.....

Sanzo......

Sanzo......!

Sanzo!

Sanzo!!

"SANZO!!!!!!"

Sanzo snapped open his eyes at the calling, no scratch that, howling of his name. It took a while for him to focus his vision, but slowly everything started to focus in place. The first face he saw was.....

"Goku?"

Goku smiled at his name, with blood running down his face. "Yokatta........you're awake." With that he collapsed on top of Sanzo who was still lying on the bed.

"Goku!!"

Only the calling of Goku's name made Sanzo realized that Hakkai and Gojyo were standing next to his bed. The both of them panicked when they saw Goku collapse and Hakkai immediately lifted him off of Sanzo and put him gently on the boy's bed. With that, Hakkai immediately left the room for his own, leaving Gojyo and Sanzo to talk, if they managed not to kill each other first.

"What happened?"

Sanzo broke the silence with his gruff and usual tone, hiding the real emotions he felt inside. Gojyo inhaled his cigarette once more before answering him.

"You had a nightmare. Goku couldn't wake you up and he said that you couldn't breathe."

Sanzo gave a "Ch'." and ran his hand through his sun-kissed hair. He then noticed there was blood all over him. Irritated, he snarled at Gojyo. "Why is there blood on me?!!" At that precise moment Hakkai came back with bandages and medicine in his hands.

"When Goku couldn't wake you up, he ran down to find us. But in his haste, he slipped on one of the steps and fell down 4 or 5 of them. As if that wasn't enough, he hit one of the sharp corners of the registration table right on his face as he finally landed from his fall." Hakkai took the honor of explaining to Sanzo as he treated the youngest member of their group.

"He was bleeding and looked about to pass out anytime, but he reached us. He refused to let Hakkai see to his injuries until we woke you up." Gojyo continued for Hakkai as he blew smoke out of his lungs. "He couldn't even walk straight after that. When we arrived, you were still struggling but Goku said it wasn't as strong as before he came to us. Slowly your shallow breathing was getting worse and for a minute you stopped breathing." Gojyo yawned and sat down on one of the chairs that was available.

"You didn't breathe until Goku started to call your name." Hakkai informed him as he finally finished bandaging Goku's head. "He was about to faint but insisted on holding on until he made sure that you were wide awake." With that Hakkai got Sanzo a cup of tea. Sanzo just accepted it and snorted, while inside he felt relieved knowing that Goku would never do anything to hurt him, let alone kill him.

"Bakasaru."

"What? No 'thank you'?" Gojyo mocked him as he took another drag. "Urusai." Sanzo scoffed before he took a sip of tea.

"What happened?" Hakkai butted in, before they could start to fight again. Sanzo wasn't sure himself why he had such dreams. But he wasn't going to tell them. "Betsuni." He muttered.

"What do you mean 'nothing'?!" Gojyo started all of the sudden. Sanzo only glared at him but Gojyo wasn't intimidated and continued. "You look like you were about to die back then!" Hakkai calmed him down before Sanzo answered him.

"I don't really remember. All I know is someone was strangling me." He said casually as he took a towel to clean the blood up. _I can't tell them Goku tried to kill me with Ho—!!_ Sanzo looked back at the two of them with wide eyes as he remembered.

"Homura!! What happened yesterday?!!" He stood all of the sudden, puzzling the other two men by the question. "What are you talking about?" Hakkai asked in a motherly tone. Sanzo just sighed heavily and sat down again. He told them what happen last night before he passed out.

"So......Homura tried to take Goku and released sleeping gas so you couldn't stop him, right?" Gojyo asked hesitantly just to make sure. "Haven't you been listening you stupid kappa?" Sanzo sneered as he took his first drag of the day. "Why you..."

"If so..." Hakkai glared at Gojyo to stop and continued. "....why is Goku is still here? I mean he had the opportunity to take Goku away after you passed out." Hakkai asked but it didn't mean that he wasn't glad that the said boy was still there.

Sanzo took another drag before answering the man. "I don't know. But something is wrong. I don't know what, but that Kami must have done something." Hakkai and Gojyo couldn't figure it out and knew as much as Sanzo did: almost nothing.

"We leave immediately. Hakkai, pack everything up and—"

"—and pack some food for Goku. I know." Hakkai finish Sanzo's sentence and smiled knowing that Sanzo really care about Goku.

"My, my. Sanzo-sama is so kind to his pet." Gojyo grinned mischievously which earned him two bullets heading towards his head. "Urusai." Sanzo growled as he walked to the toilet to get ready himself.

===========================================

_Ugh.......what happened? _

Goku stirred from his sleep but refused to wake up, feeling very tired for some reason. He flinched when he felt the pain his head.

"Oi, Hakkai. The saru has been asleep for 4 hours now. Are you sure he's fine?"

Goku half opened his eyes, saw the blue sky and realized that he was moving. He tried to lift his head but it seemed too heavy and felt like it was spinning painfully.

"I'm not............a saru.........ero kappa." Goku slurred out to tell them that he was awake. It worked, and they were all inwardly relieved to see Goku so. "Oi!! Is that the only thing you could say!?" Gojyo picked a fight to make Goku felt comfortable.

"I could.....do...more......but....head hurts......can't.....think any......." He couldn't seem to focus his mind or his vision, so everyone's image seemed to zoom in and out. He tried to sit up but it seemed that his body was sluggish in following his brain's commands but managed to do so anyway.

"Don't push yourself Goku. You need to rest." Hakkai said concernedly, but Goku refused to do his bidding until he confirmed something.

"How's.......S-san—zo........."

"Listen to Hakkai, bakasaru." Goku sighed with relief when he heard that stern order. He slumped back while smile weakly. "Hai......" He rested his hand on his forehead and felt the rough surface of the bandages. At first he wanted to ask but cancelled his intention when he remembered. He had fallen before. It hurt, but worse than his injury should, as if he didn't just hit his head with a table, but also with a hammer, HARD.

"So.....sleepy.....tired......" He mumbled and was about to sleep again when his stomach growled. "And hungry, too." Gojyo grinned to see that the saru had started to whine like usual. Well, sort of.

"There's some food we packed for you. There's nikuman, dried Squid and a lot more." Hakkai said as he chuckled when he saw the drool on Goku's face and continued "Gojyo, could you get it for him, it's in a box under Goku's seat." Gojyo did his bidding and passed it to Goku. But when the latter didn't take it, he looked back at the saru.

"Ne, Hakkai?"

"Hai?"

"He's asleep again."

"Yare yare."

Both men in front looked by the rear-view mirror and saw Goku sleeping again. "Humphh." Sanzo just let him; at least he will get a little bit of peace after that disturbing dream. Sanzo, for 4 hours, had been trying to dismiss the dream as just another dream, but always found himself trying to figure out the meaning. He cursed himself for this stupid distraction.

An hour later, Goku stirred again. This time he was feeling better and had his appetite back. Everything was going normally, Sanzo's harisen even made a few appearances, but only targeted Gojyo's head. Gojyo complained that Sanzo was being unfair, but shut up the moment he saw Sanzo's gun.

"Another word and I—!!" Sanzo stopped half-way as Hakuryuu immediately braked and swerved. "Goddamn it, Hakkai!! Warn us before you do that!!" Gojyo complained as he got up from the back seat floor. Somehow, Goku had managed to stay on his seat, but looked like he was going to puke.

"Gomen ne, but we have company." Hakkai said with indifferent smile on his face. Sanzo looked up and saw a horde of youkai blocking their path. They climbed out of Hakuryuu and said dragon immediately changed to his original form to find a safe place to perch.

"Here we go again." Gojyo sighed as he summoned his weapon, likewise with Goku.

"Ch'!"

"Mou, I hope they have stronger people than last time."

"Haha. Shall we go?"

Without reply, they charged and started to kill the youkai one by one.

======================================

"53, 54, 55, 56............I wonder how many more. Oh well, more fun for me." Goku mumbled as he took out another youkai behind him. As he landed, he looked around and saw Sanzo take out a couple of youkai. He grinned when he knew that his sun was safe. He then realized that another youkai was attacking him head on. He jumped and did a somersault over the youkai and as he landed, hit the unfortunate youkai's head and the youkai finally breathed out his last breath.

Goku grinned as he looked around and saw that the others had finish off the rest. He sat down on the ground and sighed. "That was a little easy. Are you sure that they were assassins?" He directed the question towards Hakkai, who was the nearest to him.

"You're right, it was too easy." He said thoughtfully as Hakuryuu came back to his owner. Hakkai walked around to assess the damage that might have been done to the others. Goku took this moment to look at his sun. Sanzo was irritated by this road block but seemed to also be somewhat irritated by something else, but what?

All of the sudden Sanzo looked at him, startling Goku. He could feel his face heating up and he wouldn't have been surprised if there was smoke coming out of his ears. Quickly, before Sanzo could notice that he was blushing, Goku turned away. Once the boy was sure that Sanzo had looked away from the corner of his eye, Goku let go of the breath that he had unconsciously held back.

_Why am I feeling like this?_

Ever since he was kidnapped by Homura, Goku kept having this weird feeling every time he locked eyes with Sanzo accidentally. Sometimes he would get hot in the face and his heart would begin beating faster than he could eat. He wished that he didn't have to be alone with Sanzo, especially at night. Or he felt like his heart was about to fall out of his chest. But he didn't have a choice. He'd been stuck with Sanzo ever since the other two guys over there had discovered their new relationship.

_I wonder why they make those noises at night… _

After Hakkai finished, Hakuryuu transformed and everyone made their way there. Goku, seeing this, quickly got up. But as quickly he did, a sudden pain attacked his head, HARD.

_It—tai!! What's wr-wrong with....me?_

He staggered a little, but went unnoticed by the others. After regaining his composure, he continued walking as if nothing had happened.

"You're late, bakasaru." Gojyo grinned as Goku climbed up.

"I'm not a bakasaru, you ero—"

Goku stopped as he heard a voice, a sweet, melodious yet melancholy voice, reading a poem out loud. A strange poem, it was nice but somewhat haunting.

_Sleep, sleep my child,_

_Deep into your brief death,_

_Leave your shell,_

_And go to the land,_

_To see again,_

_What it seems shall never past._

An alarm was going off in his head, telling him to stop listening to the poem. But Goku couldn't do it. As if he were drawn by the voice. He felt his mind couldn't focus, disoriented as everything started to get blurry again.

.

_Sleep, sleep my child,_

_Deep into you brief death,_

_Leave your shell,_

_And go to the land,_

_To see again,_

_What it seems shall never past_.

His body felt weak as if all the energy were drained out and his headache returned, only worse. He could hear someone screaming in pain, but who? Was it him? His head felt like it was exploding as it throbbed and the pain was getting too unbearable. Goku could hear the voices of his companions, calling him, as the melancholy voice kept on repeating the same verse. He must have zone out, but he couldn't bring himself back to reality.

_Sleep, sleep my child,_

_Deep into your brief death,_

_Leave your shell,_

_And go to the land,_

_To see again,_

_What it seems shall never past._

By the time the poem had almost ended, Goku gave into the voice since he couldn't take the pain anymore. _Ittai__.......ittai..yo....make it stop.....onegai......_ He could feel his body fall backwards and slowly make its way to the ground.

With an echoing and distant 'Thud!", Goku felt himself land hard on the ground, the voice was getting farther and farther away. He could feel that his consciousness was slipping away from his grasp. The melancholy voice stopped and the voices of his companion could be heard clearly now. But out of three voices, one was clearer than the rest.

"Oi, Goku!!! Open your eyes damn it!! Goku!!!!"

He opened his eyes, and saw his sun. He smiled weakly and tried to raise his hand but he couldn't lift it, as all of his energy was gone.

"Sanzo........"

He tried again and he barely managed to lift it. Before his hand could reach Sanzo, he felt one sharp pain attack him, too painful for Goku to keep his wakefulness anymore. Slowly, he could feel his hand fall down as he went into the darkness of his mind. Everyone's voices faded away until they gone along with his consciousness.

To be continued............

Ethereal-tenshi: Minna!!! Tadaima!!! Eh?

Melinda & Goku was dangling upside down from the ceiling

Melinda & Goku: Help!!!

Ethereal-tenshi: Why are you guys up there?

Melinda: Sanzo was angry that some one took his robe and thought we're the one who took it.

Ethereal-tenshi: Why didn't tell him I took it?

Goku: We did!! For some reason he didn't want to believe me!

Ethereal-tenshi finally untie Goku and starting on Melinda's

Ethereal-tenshi: No wonder. He wouldn't dare to.

Melinda: Why is that?

Ethereal-tenshi Glanced at Goku and smirked

Ethereal-tenshi: Hihi, you'll know......

Goku: You're scary.....almost like Hakkai.

Ethereal-tenshi: You have no idea. Man, Sanzo really know how to tie a rope! Not even my family military training can prepare me for this.

Melinda: Ahh, the one with the etiquette lessons?

Ethereal-tenshi: Don't even start!

Ethereal-tenshi finally done with Melinda's rope.

Ethereal-tenshi: Now, do your job!

Melinda lands gracefully on the floor.

Melinda: Si!! Well, hope you all enjoy reading this chapter and we hope you guys would REVIEW and we even accept flames. Just not too hot ok?

Goku: Yeah, or tenshi will use a fire extinguisher on them!

Ethereal-tenshi: Hey!! That wasn't in the script!!

Goku: Hehe, a little change we decided to make while were dangling up there.

Ethereal-tenshi: Whatever. Well, that's it for now. PLEASE REVIEW!! And those who do will get a chibi saiyuki characters printed on a metal plate key chains!! Well, see ya!!!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2: Part one, stage II: The night...

Altered Memories.

A/N: Hi people!! I'm back!! Well first I wanna say thank you to all your reviews. Replies are waaaay down there, right after the story. Secondly; a special thanks to Mabaroshi16 who took the time to Beta read my damn-too-long chapter. ;; Now, time to R&R!!

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura-sensei.

Warnings: This fic contains **Y-A-O-I**!! So if you don't like it, get out of here!!! But there'll be no lime, I think. It depends.

Pairings: 39 and hint of 58. You know, the usual.

Chapter 2: Part one; Stage II: The nightmare.

Gojyo gripped his seat for fear of being thrown from the jeep. As they took another wild turn he tightened his hold and swore that Hakuryu has never driven this fast before in his life. He looked at his lover, noticing that Hakkai was concentrating with an uncharacteristic scowl and speeding as though their safety was of no importance, as long as they reached the next town.

He then looked in the rear-view mirror, scrutinizing the two figures reflected in it. Sanzo was holding Goku close to him, but Gojyo couldn't tell if Sanzo's face was etched with worry or not, as it was covered by his bangs. He turned his attention to the shape that was lying lifelessly in Sanzo's arms. The sight of Goku's pained face was sad enough, without the added torture of the tears that kept streaming down his cheeks.

* * *

_ Goku was half-way to the jeep when he suddenly stiffened. Gojyo, noticing this, called him a 'saru' again and was surprised when the boy didn't reply. When he looked closer, he realized that Goku's eyes were empty and that he was staring into thin air. Sanzo and Hakkai hadn't noticed anything amiss until they heard Gojyo's voice calling Goku's name. _

_ Seeing no reply, the others started to call him too, but before they could do anything else, Goku's face suddenly scrunched up as if he were in a great deal of pain and he fell slowly to the ground. Sanzo was the first to reach him. He gathered Goku into his arms and pulled him up into a sitting position, all the while still calling Goku's name. The boy opened his eyes slightly, and mumbled something that Gojyo couldn't hear._

_ Gojyo's heart almost jumped out of its cage as Goku's hand fell lifelessly to the ground. Hakkai and Gojyo were too shocked to do anything, but Sanzo immediately lifted Goku up and sat in the back seat with the boy in his arms. Gojyo would have made a smart remark about the monk being in the back if it weren't for the state Goku was in._

* * *

They had been driving for 10 horrifying minutes and Goku's state was getting worse. At first, he had looked fine, but about six minutes ago he had suddenly begun crying and his face looked as if he were in pain. He had curled up into a ball against Sanzo's chest and remained that way. Gojyo was about to ask whether Goku was getting better or not when Sanzo's head shot up.

Gojyo looked at Goku and could see that he was getting even worse than before. He was growing paler by the minute and his skin was beginning to resemble that of a corpse's. He then saw the boy's lip moving, mumbling something. Gojyo carefully leaned closer to hear the words.

"Co—cold.........s-s—so co-cold......."

With that, Sanzo held him tighter. Sanzo didn't care if Goku's circulation was cut off, so long as he didn't disappear. Sanzo knew who was behind this, Homura, and he was trying his best to keep his composure and amazingly managed to do so even though he felt like crying at the sight of Goku in this condition. All he could do now was hope that Hakkai managed to get to a town as fast as he possibly could.

_Hold on Goku, just hold on.......... _

* * *

A girl fell down to the floor of a dark room, she was gasping for air as she used her hand to prevent herself from hitting the floor. The cold sweat on her forehead was illuminated by the glowing crystal ball that was situated on an altar near her.

"Are you alright?"

A voice broke her reverie, and she slowly stood, supporting herself by holding on to the altar.

"Hai, Homura-sama."

She straightened up to her full height, even though her face showed that she might pass out anytime. She clapped twice, and the whole room lit up. She was a tall slender woman, with pale ivory skin and an oval face. Her hair was the color of the silver moon and her eyes were the same coloring, only a shade darker. She wore a midnight shade halter dress, with matching arm warmers. Her dress was glittered with white sparkles that made it look like the night sky filled with a million brightly shining stars. But, no matter how much she resembled a human, she was a youkai. She didn't have fangs or clawed nails, but the pointed ears were enough to give her away.

"How did it go?" Homura came out from the corner he had been standing in while the ritual was proceeding. The woman nodded lightly and ran her hand through her hair.

"It was successful. The first stage of the spell has been easily completed…. almost." She said as she wiped the sweat off of her forehead. Homura arched his eyebrow in amusement.

"Almost?"

"Hai, it seems that the target is stronger than I could ever have imagined." She said as she closed the altar and started to clean up. "You were right; this target is different, stronger." She noted with awe in her voice.

"That's why I want him." He said as he smirked. "When will the second stage of the spell take place?"

"Soon. You did do what I asked you, didn't you?"

"Yes, it is implanted in him. But I don't understand why it was important."

"That 'it' is what I need to infiltrate his mind and weaken his body and heart."

Again, Homura arched his eyebrow at the statement. "Weaken his mind and body?" The girl nodded and faced him. "Yes, if these two are not weakened, the spell won't work." She said matter of factly.

"Why?"

"You shall see."

* * *

__

_Sleep, sleep my child,_

_Deep into your brief death,_

_Leave your shell, _

_And go to the land,_

_To see again,_

_What it seem shall never past._

Goku slowly drifted in and out of consciousness as those words played continuously inside his head. He just listened to it repeating itself, but then, to his surprise, it continued on;

_Sleep, sleep my child,_

_Deep into your brief death,_

_Leave your shell, _

_And go to the land,_

_To see again,_

_What it seem shall never past._

__

_The land of the memories,_

_Is where we go every night,_

_To be haunted by the past,_

_To feel again,_

_Sorrow and delight._

After the last line faded, the voice finally stopped, giving Goku time to think.

"Where am I?"

He opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness surrounding him. He rubbed his eyes and opened them again, still nothing. He looked around for his companions. When he didn't see them, he started walking, hoping to find them in this vast field of darkness.

"Hey, minna!! Where are you guys!!?"

Fear started to creep into his body as he began to run. Though he was moving slowly at first, soon he was going faster and faster, spurred onward by his desperation.

"Sanzo! Hakkai! Gojyo!! Where are you!!??"

He ran and ran, but he found no one. After what seemed an eternity, Goku finally stopped. He fell to his knees, panting. Goku looked around again and still saw no one. He could feel all those years alone in the cave building up in him, threatening to overcome him.

"Minna........where......"

Goku could sense the tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to flow down his cheeks. He wiped them away before they could fall, knowing that he had to be strong. He got up and started walking again, hoping against hope that they might be somewhere.

"Sanzo........Where are you?"

He stopped again and tried to look through the darkness surrounding him. He remembered when he was in the cave at night, when the sky was starless. It was almost this dark.

_If this was deep underground,_

_I wouldn't have desired for the sun........_

The moment he remembered those words, tears once again threatened to fall. He tried to hold back the tears but it was futile; one drop finally ran down his cheeks. He wiped that single tear away, but more came in its place.

Everything was getting colder and colder by the minute. In no time, it was so cold that Goku wonder, if he could see; could he see his breath coming out of his mouth? The silent and cold reminded him of the time he was imprisoned in Mount Gogyo.

_And when it snows.........._

All of the sudden, his surroundings turned white; as white as snow. He fell to his knees in surprise at the familiar place, and his eyes opened wide as a few bars appeared right in front of him. "No....." As if that weren't surprising enough; chains appeared where they used to be three years ago before Sanzo had come and saved him.

"Ha-Hakkai!! Gojyo!!" Goku was now afraid; afraid of the loneliness that used to haunt him day and night. "Sa-Sanzo....SANZO!!!! W—where are you!!??" Even more tears fell as the deafening silence of the past haunted him.

_And when it snows......_

Goku tried to run, but the chains held him back. He managed to reach the bars in hope that it was a mirage, fooling him. But the moment his fingers touched the cold bars, he knew it wasn't an illusion. "S-San—Sanzo...... where are you?"

_And when it snows.......one hears......absolutely nothing....._

_...............a deafening, absolute silence...............___

He held the bars with both of his hands and slid down to his knees. He lifted up his head to see only endless white surrounding his prison. "Sanzo.........Where.....?" He knew no matter how much he asked; there would be no answer.

_............a deafening, absolute silence..........___

He looked as far as he could see and tried to listen to any sound that he might have missed.......but nothing......nothing could be seen or heard.........only the endless white and the unsettling silence.

""Co—cold.........s-s—so co-cold......."

_So alone...........___

"Please.......please don't leave me........" Goku said with a cracked voice as he slowly lowered his head, hiding his eyes behind his brown locks, though they failed to mask the tears that flowed ever increasingly down his cheeks.

_I'm so alone........_

He let go of the bars and slowly retreated to where he used to sit when he was trapped for 500 years; as far as possible from the bars.........far from the deadly white.

_I'm so alone........_

He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them as close as he could, to preserve whatever heat that was left in him.

_I wish........_

At that moment he remembered what he had told Sanzo when he asked why he was afraid of snow.

_I wish....I could talk to somebody.........anybody........._

_But..........___

He looked around again, still seeing nothing, and a thought came_..........I might never see anyone anymore.........never see Sanzo again....._ At that thought, he quietly closed his eyes and cried silently.

_But.......I don't even have a name to call out to..........._

_..........nobody hears me........_

Goku couldn't think of anything else at that moment, only about Sanzo, and how he might never see him again. Memories of Sanzo came one by one in his head; Sanzo being angry at him and telling him to get ready the first day the journey started,

_All I have is the mesmerizing white......that surrounds me...._

_In a world......where only I exist............._

Sanzo shooting his gun into the air to make him and Gojyo stop fighting, Sanzo looking pale as the scorpion's poison surged through his body, Sanzo almost dying, trying to save him from Rikudou; all this came rushing through his head, but they did nothing to calm him down, only made him feel much worse.

_In a world.........where only I exist............._

_.......I could only remember how......terrifying it was........._

Out of all the memories, one memory was clearest and most recent; Sanzo patting his head and explaining that he didn't need a servant next to him and that he was in a bad mood not because of him, but because of the rain. Goku smiled wryly at this memory that was made after he was kidnapped by Homura. Goku hissed with surprised and quickly looked at the source.

The cold snow had reached where he was and one of his feet was the first to get hit by it. Not wanting frostbite, he quickly lifted his foot. He moved to massage his foot, just in case he was getting frostbites, but stopped midway when he saw his foot print on the snow. His mildly surprised face quickly returned to solemn.

_My footprint will always be on its own........_

Not being able to take it anymore, he took a deep breath and shouted with all his might.

"SANZO!!! PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!! PLEASE!!!!!"

His throat was raw from screaming, and, after receiving no reply, he dejectedly returned to his earlier silent state and resumed crying.

"Don't leave me here........onegai........don't leave me...........Sanzo....."

"Goku........"

Goku was startled at the sound of his name, but didn't lift his face; fearing that he had just imagined it.

"Goku. I'm here..."

Goku was sure this time that someone was calling his name and knew very well whose voice it was; "Sanzo?" Goku slowly lifted his head and was about to see who it was when a white and warm light emitted brightly from his prison's entrance.

"The sun....."

Because of the light blinding him, he quickly shut his eyes tightly. He kept his eyes shut, but could feel the warmth engulfing him, making him feel safe and secure, no longer alone. He slowly relaxed and stopped crying, and slowly a smile made its way to his face.

After who knew how long, he finally opened his eyes and quickly shut them again as the light blinded him. But this light was different; it was less bright than the previous one. He tried again, his eyes slowly adjusting to the light, and realized that he was in a bed. Without getting up, he looked around and saw that he was in a room. Well, at least he thought so, his eyes were only half-open, the room was quite dark and the only light there was coming from his bedside table lamp.

"Sanzo?" His voice barely escaped his throat in the form of a harsh whisper, but that's all he could manage at the moment. He tried to move his right hand but he realized that someone was holding it. His eyes trailed down to the hands that were holding his and saw......."Sanzo?" Sanzo was sleeping with his head on the side of the bed while kneeling on the floor. He tried calling to him but he couldn't get his voice above a soft whisper. So, he tried squeezing Sanzo's hand as hard as he could, and seconds later the said man stirred.

Sanzo slowly opened his eyes to reveal the beautiful amethyst orbs. He blinked his eyes for a while before raising his head. "Goku?" The boy was surprised to hear Sanzo's voice. It was full of worry, concern and.......something that Goku couldn't figure out. He felt so tired, all he could manage was a meek smile and a weak "Hi..."

"Hmph, finally awake?" Sanzo grunted as Goku smiled sheepishly in return. Sanzo was glad that the room was dark, or Goku would have seen him smile. He never felt so relieved to see Goku awake after what just happened.

****

**_FLASHBACK_**

They finally reached an inn after half an hour of, _horrifying,_ driving. Seeing the state Goku was in, the manager quickly set up a room for them. Hakkai swiftly tried to do anything he could to help. In minutes, Goku was on the bed with blankets covering him, and Hakkai put a slightly wet towel on his forehead after wiping off beads of sweats. Hakkai had quit trying to wipe away the tears since they wouldn't stop falling.

"There. This is the only thing I can do right now." Hakkai sighed as he stood up and wiped off some sweat from his own forehead. Sanzo looked at Goku from across the room, and, from there, he could see that the boy was still crying. Sanzo quickly looked away since he couldn't bear to watch the state Goku was in. Even though he looked away, he could nevertheless imagine the condition Goku was in now, as he could still hear the sound of sobbing and whimpering coming from the boy.

"Wonder what's wrong with him?" Gojyo finally asked, breaking the tension in the room. "How should I know?!" Sanzo shoot back a little too harshly.

"Whoa! Sanzo, back off. I know you're frustrated about this, but don't take it out on me." Gojyo retorted with both of his hands held up in defense. Hakkai just put away the stuff and sat down on the available chair next to Gojyo.

"Ma, ma you guys. Now is not the time to fight." Hakkai placated as he looked dangerously at both of them. They, noticing the menacing aura, calmed down reluctantly. Everything was quiet as everyone cooled down; no sound could be heard except Goku's whimpering voice.

"Could Homura have done this?" Hakkai asked when he thought that everyone was ready for a talk. "Who else?" Sanzo shot back. Hakkai just chuckled. "Well, it's not helping if you keep up like this." He kept on smiling but Sanzo could tell that Hakkai was angry.

"Remember this morning?" Gojyo questioned thoughtfully, breaking the tension between Hakkai and Sanzo. "You said Homura was held out his hand towards Goku as if he were trying to do something, right?" Sanzo just nodded and Gojyo continued on. "It could be something he did while you were asleep."

"It looks like you've got brain after all, ero kappa." Sanzo said as he smirked at the red-headed man. Gojyo wasn't very angry at that remark, which might be the closest thing to a compliment Sanzo had ever given him. Plus, he was too worried about Goku to fight with Sanzo now.

"But one thing still bothers me. Homura could have kidnapped Goku if he wanted to, considering Sanzo was already knocked out by the sleeping gas; but why did he let that opportunity get away?" Hakkai posed as his features turned serious. Gojyo just shrugged as he ran a hand through his long red hair, while Sanzo lit up a cigarette and took one, long drag.

"I don't know what that fucking Kami is thinking," Sanzo stopped to take another drag and continued; "but one thing's for sure; he has something else in mind." Sanzo finished as he looked at the other two. The momentary silence was broken by Hakkai's chuckle.

"Well, it looks like we have to be on our guard." Hakkai glanced at his lover not for agreement, but for reassurance. "Yeah, of course." They both looked to Sanzo for his agreement, but he just shrugged and turned away.

"Ch', do what you want."

With that, they decided to take turns staying up watching. Hakkai was about to leave to order dinner when he heard a familiar voice shouting.

"SANZO!!!"

They turned around and saw Goku shaking violently and continuing to scream. "PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!! PLEASE!!!!!" They immediately went next to him, but by that time, Goku had stopped screaming, though he kept mumbling as he lay down on his side and curled up into a ball. "Don't leave me here........" The sound of Goku's whimpering voice pleading was heart wrenching for all of them, most especially Sanzo.

Hakkai, having already assessed the situation, ushered Gojyo and himself out of the door, leaving Sanzo alone to deal with this. Gojyo was reluctant to leave the room, while Sanzo appreciated Hakkai's consideration and know-how. He knew he couldn't help Goku openly with them around, especially Gojyo.

"Onegai..........don't leave me...........Sanzo....."

He couldn't stand to hear Goku's voice in that much pain anymore; he quickly kneeled next to the bed and took Goku's right hand. "Goku......" He looked at Goku to see any reaction, but saw none. Sanzo close the distance between his lips and Goku's right ear. "Goku, I'm here....." With those words, Sanzo lifted his head and saw Goku's face finally relax. He didn't say anything more but kept on holding Goku's hand until he fell asleep.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

_I must have slept at least what? Three hours?_

Sanzo thought as he looked outside the window. Before he had fallen asleep, it was dusk. Now it was night. "Sanzo?" Sanzo was startled at the sound of a raspy voice calling him.

"Nani?" He asked with his usual tone.

"Wh—where are—"

"They're getting us some dinner." Only then he realized that he was still holding onto Goku's hand. He quickly let go and walked towards the door; missing the hurt look on Goku's face. Sanzo once again was glad for the darkness, or else Goku would have seen that he was blushing.

Even though the room was not light enough to discern facial features, there was enough that Goku could tell that Sanzo was leaving the room. Still a little shaken up by his dream, he called after Sanzo.

"W-wait!! Don't l-l—leave me here!!"

Sanzo glared at him while opening the door. "Grow up. I'm just getting Hakkai." With that, he walked out; leaving the poor boy behind. Goku felt that someone had just taken out his heart and stabbed it. He didn't want to see Sanzo leaving him like that, never.

Being stubborn, he tried to get up. But it seemed that his body was too tired to follow his commands and he couldn't. He tried again and finally managed to sit up on the bed; with the help of the bed post. He held onto the bed post until he felt he could stand up, but his legs were shaking so badly that Goku was surprised that they held his weight. He tried to let go, but the moment he did, his body threatened to fall. So he immediately replaced his hands on it. He looked around the room to find it moving around, swirling, making him queasy.

After a few seconds, he was determined to let go and did. At first he could stand properly and the first few steps were successful, but when got to the center of the room he collapsed. With a loud "THUD!!" he landed on the floor, gasping for air as if he has been running for a mile non-stop.

He looked at the door, wanting so much to follow Sanzo. He couldn't be left behind if he could keep up, but if he couldn't even follow Sanzo out of a room; how would he catch up if Sanzo really left him behind? Before he could ponder this thought, the door was opened hastily and the scuttling of someone's feet could be heard heading towards him.

"Goku!! What are you doing!!? You should be staying in bed." With that, Hakkai took one of Goku's hands and swung it over his shoulders. "Sa—Sanzo...." Hakkai was surprised to hear the cracked voice of Goku. "He's outside. He needed some fresh air." Hakkai put him on the bed and waited for Goku to lie down properly. But seeing the uneven breathing and flushed, pale face, he decided to lay Goku down himself.

"Hakkai...."

"Now Goku, let me do a check up on you then you can talk." Knowing that he could not win over Hakkai, Goku stayed quiet the whole time, which wasn't long. Hakkai took the bandages off his forehead. "There! Now what do you want to say?" The happy face came back and smiled at Goku.

"Hara—hetta..."

Hakkai just smiled at those usual words that he never got tired of hearing. "Well, I asked Gojyo to bring up some food for you; so don't you worry." Hakkai was relieved to see the bright smile Goku gave him. "Arigatou..."

Hakkai smiled widely and continued, "But it's going to take a while, so until then, I want you to rest. Got it?" The boy nodded in response and slowly closed his eyes. In no time, the boy was sound asleep.

Hakkai sighed and exited the room, only to find Sanzo leaning on the wall next to the door. Hakkai looked at him and slowly opened his mouth. "You're right; there is a scar between his eyes."

Seeing no response from the other man, he resumed speaking; "maybe it's because he hit his head on that sharp corner in the last inn we visited." But the other man thought differently.

"Hope so." With that Sanzo went in his and Goku's room while Hakkai went to find Gojyo. When Sanzo closed the door, the other occupant of the room stirred. "Sanzo?"

Sanzo didn't reply immediately, but went to Goku's bed and sat down in the chair next to it. Goku tried to sit up but couldn't and Sanzo told him to be still. "Daijobu?" Asked Goku; seeing the worried face of his sun.

"I'm fine." Before they could talk any more, there was a knock at the door. Without waiting for a response, the door was opened and the other two of the ikkou came in.

"Ok! Who's hungry?" Said Gojyo cheerfully while Hakkai pulled the table from the middle of the room and set it up next to Goku so he didn't have to get off the bed. Together they set up dinner while Sanzo just read his paper. After everything was ready, Hakkai helped Goku to sit up on his bed so he could eat. Sanzo put down his paper and they all ate their dinner with only a small argument coming from Gojyo and Goku. The fight wasn't very noisy considering Goku got a coughing fit every time he tried to shout.

Dinner went well; Goku ate quite a lot, even though he wasn't feeling very well. Hakkai decided to take the first watch and stayed at the entrance of Sanzo and Goku's room. As he stood watch, the people inside weren't quite asleep yet either.

Sanzo was about to fall asleep when a voice called him. "Sanzo...."

"What?"

"Ano.......can you sleep here with me?" Sanzo was startled at the request and could feel his face heating up. "Na—nani!?"

"I'm afraid to be alone......." The pleading voice was soft and barely audible, but Sanzo could hear it. "You're old enough to sleep on your own." With that, Sanzo lay down and got ready to sleep, since his turn to watch was in 5 hours. But, to tell the truth, he wanted very much to sleep next to Goku, but Sanzo knew that he wouldn't be able to control himself if he and Goku were alone. Who could? With that sexy, lithe body; anyone could lose control.

But, Sanzo didn't see the hurt looked on Goku's face when his request was rejected. Tears were threatening to fall and he managed to suppress them, but not without letting out a sob involuntarily. "Oh....well.....um....ok." Goku silently lay down and turned his body to face the wall. After he was sure that Sanzo was asleep, he let one tear go down his cheek.

_He hates me........._

* * *

Sanzo did hear the sniff coming from the boy and at that moment, guilt hit him, HARD. He was about to get up and go to him when Goku said; "Oh.....well.....um....ok." Sanzo heard the sound of sheets shuffling underneath the boy. Sanzo just lay back down to wait for sleep to overtake him.

_He hates me......._

Those three words surprised him. He slowly turned his head towards Goku; only to see that the boy was facing the wall and his shoulders were shaking. Sanzo berated himself; he was supposed to help him, not hurt him. Sighing silently, Sanzo got up and went slowly towards Goku.

"Oi, saru." Sanzo's voice seemed to startle the boy. Slowly, he turned around to face Sanzo. They did nothing but look into each other eyes. Sanzo could see tears streaming non-stop down the boy's cheeks. Goku quickly tried to wipe it all off when he noticed Sanzo could see them. There were a few minutes of nothing but silence which was finally broken by Sanzo's sigh.

"Move over." Sanzo said with indifference in his voice.

"Sanzo?"

"You want me here or what?" Sanzo snapped, annoyed. He wished that Goku would just get it over with because his face was getting hotter and even though the room was dark, Sanzo could guess that he himself was blushing. He waited for a minute longer but Goku was too surprised to move. Seeing no reaction, Sanzo quickly turned around to return to his bed.

"Fine, do what you want."

The moment Sanzo said those words; he could hear the sound of sheets shuffling from behind him. He turned around to find Goku trying to move so Sanzo could sleep next to him.

Goku tried to move quickly so Sanzo wouldn't get angry, but his body was too weak for that. He could tell that Sanzo was getting more irritated by the second. His guesses were confirmed when Sanzo sighed and said; "You're very annoying." The moment Sanzo finished those words; Goku could feel hands being placed swiftly under his knees and his back.

"Wahh!"

Goku screamed lightly and clamped his eyes shut as he was lifted by Sanzo. When he felt his body being softly placed back on the bed, he slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to see Sanzo lying down next to him when he should have guessed he would be… "San—"

"Shut up and go to sleep."

Hearing the stern order, Goku quickly closed his eyes and tried his best not to annoy. He could feel Sanzo moving, probably trying to get comfortable. Goku opened his eyes slightly and was surprised to see Sanzo's face right in front of him. He could feel his heart beating faster and his face heating up.

_What's wrong with me?_

Goku tried to calm his heart down, afraid that Sanzo could hear its beating. After god knew how long, he still couldn't sleep. For a while, Goku just looked at Sanzo, trying to find any flaw that might be there. But as he suspected, there were none. Sanzo was perfect in every way. Well, at least to him he was.

Goku was about to raise his hand and touch Sanzo's face, to make sure that he wasn't dreaming, but stopped abruptly when he noticed movement coming from the said man, and quickly put back his hand where it belonged. Goku closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep and hoped Sanzo didn't notice that he was still awake, but was surprised greatly when a hand was placed across his waist.

As if that wasn't enough, Sanzo was pulling him closer until he could feel the heat coming from the said man. He calmed down and relaxed, knowing this was none other than Sanzo holding him. Every time he breathed in, he could smell the scent of tobacco and liquor. Goku smiled at the familiar scent as one memory played in his head.

Three years ago, the first few days after he was released by Sanzo, he kept on having dreams where he was left behind by someone who resembled Sanzo a lot. Every time he had those dreams, he would wake up crying non-stop. At first, he thought Sanzo didn't know about it until one night, Sanzo came to his room after he woke up crying from that nightmare.

He was surprised to see Sanzo in his room and was even more surprised when Sanzo hugged him on the bed and tried to calm him down. He cried to his heart's content and Sanzo wasn't even mad at him for staining his clothes. After a while, he finally calmed down and the cries were reduced to sobbing. And then, he noticed that Sanzo smelled of tobacco and liquor, just like now.

Since that time, every time he had a nightmare, he always went to Sanzo's room; feeling relieved to see that the man was still there. Though Sanzo was annoyed by these late night visits, he never pushed him away. Slowly, the nightmares stopped bothering him and so the late night visits ceased as well. Goku never realized it before but, he missed the warmth and comfort only Sanzo could give to him

Now Goku knew that he could sleep in peace. Even though those nightmares were going to come back, Sanzo was next to him. With that thought, he slowly closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. Not knowing how wrong he would be............

* * *

The girl smiled wickedly as she watched Sanzo and Goku sleep in her crystal ball.

_Good. They're asleep._

She was about to say something when she stopped abruptly and looked closely at her crystal ball. She smiled in amusement as she realized it. "Well, well. It looks like one of them is still awake."

"Who is?"

"Homura-sama!! I thought you were asleep." The girl turned around to see her master. Homura just blinked and smiled out of amusement.

"You have an amazing ability, and yet you can't sense me?" Homura asked as he got closer. "My senses are not that good. I hardly practice my martial arts movements as I am more partial to magic and sorcery." The girl replied with dignity and pride laced in her voice. "Ah, is that so?" Homura had reached the crystal ball and was peering into it.

"Is that them?" His amused voice abruptly changed to stern. This made her a little nervous but she nodded nonetheless. "I was about to start the second stage, when I realized that Genjo Sanzo was still awake." With that, Homura burned with jealousy and glared at both of them.

Yes, Homura did want Goku to build his new world, but slowly, he had begun to want Goku for himself. He didn't know whether it was lust or love, but he did know that he wanted Goku to be his and his alone. Homura could see the reason why he was attracted to Goku; minus the hand on his waist, the boy had a perfect body. A lithe and sexy body, trim waist, nice legs, a slender neck and shoulder, beautiful golden orbs and lips that looked very sweet to kiss. He was tempted to keep Goku when he tried to convince Goku to be on his side, but dismissed the idea so Goku could make his own choice.

Homura took a long breath and stood up straight again. "Well, continue on with the plan." Even though he wasn't looking at her, she immediately stood in front of the crystal ball.

"Before I start, who does Goku trust the most?" She inquired as she hovered her hands slightly over the crystal ball. "The Sanzo. Why? Does it have anything to do with the third stage?" Homura asked as he retreated to his usual corner for the ritual.

"Hai, we need him to lose faith in his friends so it can be easier to do the final stage." Slowly, a sickly green light emitted from the crystal ball.

"How is that?"

* * *

_Can't.......__brea__.....breathe......._

Goku opened his eyes and saw the reason for his thoughts, someone was strangling him. "Ack! Wh—who are you?" he choked out the words forcefully and tried his best to stay alive. He couldn't see who it was but he was sure that the person was smirking at him. He looked around and noticed that he was still in the room and it was dark. He glanced to his side and saw that Sanzo was gone. Of course he was; if he were still here, he would have shot whoever it was trying to kill him. Now he was more worried that maybe Sanzo was hurt first by this person.

_Where are Hakkai and Gojyo?_

"G—get off—me!!" He ordered as he struggled to get the person to let go by swinging his legs around and thrashing wildly. But the weakened condition he was in didn't help as the person didn't flinch against his actions. Goku got an idea and stretched out his hand and pushed the bedside table. The table and lamp fell with a loud crash.

_Th__.....that should.....get their....attention....._

He held on as long as he could, despite the fact that he could barely breathe; but Hakkai and Gojyo still hadn't arrived yet. He tried to focus his eyes to see who his attacker was, before he could though, the attacker opened his mouth and said:

"Shine, kono bakasaru."

Goku's eyes widened in shocked when he heard the voice. And as if his energy had left him, his left hand slowly fell down to his side while the other was still struggling mildly with all the little energy he still have.

_Masaka__..........._

Goku couldn't, no, WOULDN'T believe his ears and tried again to see who it was. At the same time, he tried to listen to the voice to make sure that he wasn't wrong. "Wh—who are you!!?"

"Who else? Kono baka."

At the same moment, his vision finally cleared. What he saw made him wish that he was blind and deaf as well. He didn't want to believe this, he wouldn't believe it.

"S—sanzo....?"

To be continued........

A/N: Wahhh! Finally done! Wohooo! ;;; For two months without internet, I finally finish this!(and chap. three too.) Anyway.... thanks for those who reviewed and here's my reply!!

**Crimson1:** Thanks for the compliment. Really? I thought someone had done this before. Hm......oh well. Anyway, here's a Sanzo keychain for you.

**MissyIrene****:** It's a great story?! Oo ::Glomps:: Sankyuu!! For that; I give you a Hakkai keychain with Hakuryuu on his shoulder.

**Ranechi****:** Well, sankyuu! I hope this chapter reaches your expectation! And as a reward for your patience; A Gaiden Goku keychain!!

**Mabaroshi16:** Ahhh! Mabo-san!! ::glomps:: Sankyuu soooooo much for helping me!! Here's a chibi Sanzo-while-pointing-his-gun and (since you're my beta.) a chibi kougaiji-and-chibi-Goku keychain!!

**Koinu-chan****:** Thank you!! And peace back to you! I hope you love this chapter as much as the last! Here's a Gojyo keychain!!

**Gallatica****:** Tica-chan!!! ::glomps:: Huh? A typo? Where? ::scan the last chapter:: I can't find it...... I'll check it again later. Anyway, sankyuu for reviewing. And one more thing, can you e-mail your address again? I forgot to save it last time. ;;; Gomen ne. Here's a Goku-and-Sanzo keychain!!

**Alanime****:** Hi girl!! Here is a Nataku keychain. And, as a plus; A RO keychain!! How is RO anyway? Anyway, more angst on the way!! This story will be filled with more angst than action. Hehe. Sorry Goku.

Goku: Oiii! How come I'm always the target?

Me: Because you're my favorite character. And those who are my favorites either suffer in my fic. Hahaha. But I still love you, so don't worry.

Goku: ::mumbling:: I'm still worry.

**Am1-13th:** Ami-chan!! You're back!! ::hugs:: Really? Sankyuu!! Here's a Goku-and-Nataku keychain for you!! How is FLL? Please update it soon!!

**Kyaroru-chan****:** Thank you for the compliment!! Here's a Konzen keychain! About Sanzo's dream....well, this fic IS based on my experience. I did have a dream where I was murdered and when I woke up the moment I was stabbed, I could feel an aching pain where I was stabbed. And when I checked; I could see a new long shape bruise!! Scary, don't you think? Anyway, in this fic, a spell was cast on Sanzo. So, you know the drill. Based on my simple research about dreams. Dreams are fascinating, don't you think? If you figure out something from this note, please keep it to yourself first. Anyway, thanks for the review!

**Etherel**** light:** Sankyuu! I love it too! Here's a Hakkai-and-Tenpou keychain for you!!

**Eiri**** Izz:** Hii!! I know!! It was 25 pages when I wrote it. This one too. And, nothing is wrong with you, we both are having the toughest moment of our live if you know what I mean. Sankyuu for the compliments!! Here is a Sanzo keychain!!

**Ashura**** Akuma:** Yes, I know I am. Am I more meanie now that I left that cliffie up there? Haha. Anyway, thanks for the review!! Here is a Kenren keychain!!

A/N: There. All 13 reviews replied. Please review for this chapter and I'll give you some brownies. Not that I don't want to give you keychains, just that I'm broke. --;; Now, please tell me what you think! Just press that small purple down there....


	3. Chapter 3: part one stage III: The Betra...

**Altered Memories.**

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belong to Kazuya Minekura-sensei.

Warnings: This fic contains **Y-A-O-I**!! So if you don't like it, get out of here!!! But you have come this far, so you should have like it.

Pairings: 39 and hint of 58. You know, the usual.

Authors Note: Hi!!! Sorry for the very, VERY slow update. Been very busy for the last few months, and going to be busy for the following 3 months too. Only manage to R&R, not enough time to come up with an idea to write. Special thanks to Mabaroshi16 for beta-ing the last 2 chapter and this one too. I hope you all would love this chapter, and I hope it won't be a disappointment.

**IMPORTANT NOTE:** The Monologue about snow from the last chapter while Goku was in the dream, yeah; I forgot to put a disclaimer on it. I took it from the Saiyuki Reload Manga. Sorry to those who compliment me on that!! GOMEN!!

Chapter 3:

Part one;

Stage III: The betrayal.

"Who else? Kono baka."

At that same moment, his vision finally cleared. What he saw made him wish that he was blind and deaf as well. He didn't want to believe it, he _wouldn't_ believe it.

"S—Sanzo…?"

"Took you long enough." Sanzo's grip around his neck was tightening and choking the life out of Goku.

"Why.....?" Goku could feel the tears falling from his eyes and dampening the pillow beneath his head. "Why....are...you.....doing....this?" He stopped struggling and his other hand fell down. He couldn't fight back; he was too busy struggling within his mind and telling himself that this was not Sanzo. But it was too hard; especially when it was happening right in front of his eyes.

"Why? It's because-" Sanzo began, and Goku tried hard to keep his consciousness. The physical pain on his neck was nothing compared to the pain that he felt inside; he was being betrayed, by Sanzo of all people.

_I wish this were a dream…but it's too real…_

"It's because- you're so fucking annoying that I fucking hate you." Goku wished that he were dead. He wished that Sanzo would kill him quickly. He'd rather die than listen to those words. Rather die while he still thought of Sanzo as his savior......his sun.

_……the pain is too real to be a dream……_

Goku had closed his eyes tightly and had already welcomed death calmly, when the pressure on his neck lifted abruptly. He opened his eyes slowly and saw that Sanzo was still on top of him. Even though his vision was blurred, he could see that Sanzo's guard was down. Seizing the opportunity, Goku quickly pushed him off the bed and onto the floor.

The moment he felt Sanzo's weight leave, he quickly got up and crawled to the other side of the bed, leaning against the wall. He hid himself under the blankets and, from the opening slits between blankets, watched Sanzo trying to get up. While Sanzo groaned in pain, Goku felt his body shaking like a leaf, fear overtaking him.

He saw Sanzo's mouth moving; talking, but he couldn't hear him over the beating of his heart. Everything in the world wasn't there anymore to him, only Sanzo and him and one thought that kept on playing over and over again

_He...he's trying....to kill…me…_

Goku snapped out of it when he saw Sanzo reach out for him. "Get..." The word hardly came out as a whisper, but he couldn't help it. The fear was too much, not to mention his throat was sore from Sanzo's attempt to kill him. All he could think about was how to get Sanzo away from him.

"Nani? Wh—"

He finally heard Sanzo's voice and quickly clamped his hands tightly over his ears before he could hear anymore. He glared at Sanzo and gathered up all his courage and strength to say only four words. "Get away from me!!"

It seemed that he had startled Sanzo, and Goku kept on glaring at him. Sanzo tried again to get closer to him, but Goku slapped his hand away. "Don't—don't touch me." He snarled as he brought his knees to his chest.

But Sanzo wasn't giving up; he grabbed hold of Goku's wrist. Goku was surprised and, by instinct; started to fight off Sanzo. But Sanzo was stronger than him right now and in no time Sanzo got hold of both wrists.

"L—let go of me!!" Goku started to struggle, but he was still weak from Sanzo's attempt to kill him. The tears were flowing out even more and he could feel Sanzo's hand trying to touch his face, but Goku shook his head vigorously.

"Stay put bakasaru!"

"Let go of me!! Ha—HAKKAI!!!!! GOJYO!!!!"

Not a moment later, the door slammed opened and he could hear the shouting of his fellow companions and the sound of their feet; scuttling towards him, but he didn't stop struggling and kept on screaming. "Get away from me!!! Let me go!!!" moments later, he could feel Sanzo's hands being yanked off his wrists and someone holding him securely. He looked up and saw Hakkai, while Gojyo was holding on to Sanzo.

"Daijobu?" He had never felt so relieved to hear Hakkai's voice. He hugged Hakkai and cried with all his might. "He—he tried to kill me!!" he finally sobbed out. Hakkai tried to get Goku to look up at him, but Goku just tightened his grip and buried his face deeper into Hakkai's chest.

"Who did?" Hakkai asked gently as he gave up trying to pull Goku off him. Without lifting his head, he told them.

"Sa—Sanzo! He tried to suffocate me to death!!"

Silence befell in the room. The only thing that could be heard was Goku's sobbing. Hakkai and Gojyo looked at each other, surprised to hear what Goku just said. They looked at Sanzo but he was looking down at his feet. They couldn't tell what Sanzo was thinking since his face was hidden by his hair.

Suddenly, Sanzo yanked Goku off Hakkai by his wrist and lifted him up. Goku hung limply, but made a feeble attempt to push Sanzo away.

"Let go of me!!!"

"What the hell are you saying!!??"

"Let go of me!! Onegai, leave me alone!!" Goku kept on pleading, but Sanzo didn't let him go and continued shaking him fiercely. "I won't until you explain to me clearly!!" His grip on Goku's wrist was getting tighter, and the boy could feel his circulation cutting off.

"It—Ittai!!"

"Sanzo!! Let him go!!" Hakkai said but Sanzo paid him no heed. "Tell me NOW!!" Gojyo quickly yanked Goku out of Sanzo's grip and pushed Sanzo away. Sanzo staggered a little while Gojyo handed Goku back over to Hakkai. Hakkai immediately carried Goku out of the room and to his.

The moment they were out, Gojyo went over to Sanzo. "What the hell are you doing!!!?" He asked as Sanzo took a seat. Getting no reply, Gojyo continued on. "You know he's in no condition to move!! I leave for a while for a toilet break and this happens?!?!?" Goku was like a little brother to him and he didn't like to see him suffer.

Sanzo just stayed quiet and lit up a cigarette. Gojyo was irritated about this but followed suit. After a few minutes, and a few drags, Gojyo sighed. "What happened?"

"That's what I would like to know."

Even though Hakkai's room was two doors away, they could hear Hakkai's voice trying to calm Goku down. Goku's cries and voice carried as well, but slowly, his cries subdued and everything went silent.

About 10 minutes later, Hakkai came back into the room that Sanzo and Gojyo occupied and took a seat. He sighed deeply. They tried waiting for Hakkai to start talking first, but they weren't patient enough.

"How is he?" Gojyo was the first to ask. Hakkai intertwined his fingers and rested his elbows on the table. "He's quite shaken up. Took me a while to calm him down, even Hakuryuu was trying but he couldn't stop crying or shaking." Hakkai took another deep breath before continuing.

"But what he was saying was a little disturbing." He stopped and looked at Sanzo. Sanzo just glared back at him and asked: "What did he say?"

"He kept saying: 'Sanzo's going to kill me', over and over again. After he calmed down a little, he told me what happened." He stopped for a while and looked as if he were trying to find the right words. "Even though it's hard to believe, I don't think he's lying."

"Why is that?" Sanzo questioned dangerously.

"I checked his neck and saw bruises; signifying that a great deal of pressure was put there recently. And I can see silhouettes of fingers wrapped around his neck." Hakkai now looked at Sanzo severely and so did Gojyo, but Sanzo didn't waver.

"I didn't try to kill him." He said calmly. But Gojyo slammed the table hard as he stood up abruptly.

"Then who did!?" Gojyo snapped. Sanzo always threatened to kill them everyday, but it never occurred to him that he really would do so except under heightened circumstances.

"Gojyo, calm down. Nothing good will happen if we all get worked up like this." Hakkai said as he pushed Gojyo back down into his chair. Hakkai then looked at Sanzo once again with an indifferent smile.

"Would you mind telling me your side of the story, Sanzo?" Sanzo was glad that Hakkai gave him the benefit of the doubt, but he knew that Hakkai wasn't going to let him off easily, considering the fact that he and Gojyo loved Goku like a little brother.

Sanzo sighed and told them what had happened.

**_FLASHBACK_**

_ After Sanzo made sure that Goku was asleep, he sat up and leaned against the wall. Sanzo knew he could have hugged Goku all night if he wanted to, but it felt like he would be taking advantage of Goku's trust. He may be annoying but Sanzo still respected him. Besides, he'd be damned if he were to give Hakkai or Gojyo the chance to catch him red handed with him in bed._

_ He sighed and looked at Goku and smiled a little when he saw the silly grin on his face. He wondered how things would be if they were together. But how? Goku didn't understand this stuff. He may be 18, plus 500, but he has the mind of a 10 year old. Plus, Sanzo knew that Goku had placed his trust and loyalty in him, he is his 'sun' anyway. Even if they couldn't be together at least Sanzo knew that he would always occupy a little space in Goku's heart. _

_ He was about to retreat to his own bed but stopped when he heard uneven breathing from Goku. He looked over and saw that Goku's eyes were wide open in fear. "Goku?" He was kicked by Goku in the chest. He went into a coughing fit due to the kick and tried again to hold Goku. That moment he heard him mumble a question._

_"Ack!__ Wh—who are you?"_

_ But holding Goku wasn't an easy task. Goku acted as if someone were attacking him. Sanzo surmised that he was dreaming that someone was strangling him by the way he put his hands on his neck. Again he heard Goku's voice; fighting._

_"G—get off—me!!"_

_ Sanzo couldn't get near him without getting kicked, so the moment he got a chance to be close to him, he immediately went on top of him; straddling him. "Hakkai!! Come in here!! Quick!!" But there was no reply. Making Sanzo wandered where Hakkai was. _

_ Sanzo felt Goku cease struggling and watched as his eyes filled with fear and disbelief. "Goku! Wake up!!" But it went unheard by the boy. One of his hands fell down._

_ "Wh—who are you!!?"_

_ Sanzo was about to call Hakkai again when Goku stopped moving all together. His eyes now filled with hurt and betrayal. _

_"S—sanzo....?"_

_ Sanzo stopped mid-way when he heard his name. **Is he dreaming that I…Masaka**. Sanzo immediately shook Goku as hard as he could, but he still didn't snap out of it. "Oi, Goku!" There were no direct reply, but he said:_

_"Why…?"_

_ Sanzo could see tears running down his cheeks and there was a moment of silence. Sanzo swore that he was about to have a heart attack when he saw Goku closing his eyes._

_ He was about to leave and call Hakkai when the boy reopened his eyes and pushed him off the bed. Luckily his back broke his fall. He could hear the sound of sheets shuffling coming from the bed. "What the fuck are you doing?" He demanded as he got up, but was surprised to see the boy curled up in the blankets at the other end of the bed, shivering._

_ He tried to reach out when he heard the boy mumble something, but he couldn't make out what it was. "Nani? Wh—"_

_"Get away from me!!"_

_ Sanzo was surprised to hear those words. He tried again to hold him, but Goku slapped his hand away. "Don't—don't touch me." However, Sanzo wasn't going to give up and immediately grabbed one of his wrists as Goku fought back. But he couldn't do much in his condition, and Sanzo manage to get a hold of both his wrists in no time._

_"L—let go of me!!"_

_ Sanzo looked into his face and could see more tears coming out of his eyes. Sanzo reach out to his face with his free hand to wipe out those tears when Goku shook his head violently. "Stay put bakasaru!"_

_"Let go of me!! Ha—HAKKAI!!!!! GOJYO!!!!_

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

"And the rest is history." Sanzo had told them everything except the part about his sleeping with Goku. Gojyo looked serious and didn't say anything while Hakkai looked like he was thinking.

"Did anything break?" Hakkai asked all of a sudden, to Sanzo's amusement. He looked around and saw that everything was in its place. "Not unless you count my ribs."

Hakkai continued to think and after a while he sighed. "This is weird. What do you think, Gojyo?" Hakkai and Sanzo looked at Gojyo and sweat-dropped to see him sleeping. Sanzo, who swore that he could feel at least ten veins pop out, knocked his head with his harisen and Gojyo's went face first into the table.

"WHAT THE HELL??!!" Gojyo looked up immediately and saw Sanzo glaring at him with his gun on his forehead. "I'll show hell to you if you aren't being serious here." Sanzo said dangerously and Gojyo could feel the murderous aura coming from him.

"May I help, Sanzo?" Gojyo looked at Hakkai who was smiling his usual smile and cracking his knuckles, but his murderous aura was worse than Sanzo's. "H—hey guys. I—I was only joking." Gojyo sweat-dropped at his predicament.

"Then your death will be a joke too if you don't stop playing around, koi." The way Hakkai said it gave him the shivers and he immediately got up and, in a dash, was at the door.

"I—I think I'll go check on him." With that, he literally ran off to Hakkai's room. The remaining two sighed and sat down. Sanzo looked at Hakkai who was shaking his head slowly.

"I have no idea what you see in him."

Hakkai just chuckled at those words and said: "He may be slow at times, but he does have his own value." Hakkai then started to look serious again. "There is something weird about yours and Goku's statements though."

"What is that?"

"Goku said that he pushed the bedside table and broke the lamp to get our attention, but the way I see it and what you said, nothing broke. And you couldn't possibly have had the chance to clean it since we arrived the moment we heard our names." Hakkai said thoughtfully and at last he smiled.

"Ok, you're innocent." Hakkai said it so easily that Sanzo was perplexed. "How is that?" Sanzo demanded.

"First; no way you would try or even think about killing Goku. Two; I don't think you're lying." Hakkai said so playfully that Sanzo wondered if Hakkai was all right.

"So, you're saying that Goku lied to us?" Sanzo asked doubtfully, but keeping his composure nonetheless.

"Iie, he's too shaken up to lie. But that leads to another conclusion." Hakkai said as he got up. "Someone else is behind all this, most likely working for Homura." With that, he walked towards the door but stopped before he went out.

"Don't worry; I'll explain to him that it was all a dream. But I advise you to stay away from Goku for a while, let him cool down and think first" Hakkai said gently but Sanzo was disapprove of the idea "I do what I want."

"I know this is hard, but Goku is very afraid of you right now. Not out of respect, but out of fear. Give him a chance to set his mind straight." With that, Hakkai left Sanzo alone in the dark room and the sound of Hakkai's door closing could be heard through the emptiness.

"Kuso!!" Sanzo punched the table and went to the door and slammed it shut. He then turned around and headed for his bed.

_I don't know what your plan is, Homura. But I'll stop you even if it kills me._

"Oh, I see. You gave them dreams."

"Yes, by giving the victim a dream so vivid and realistic, he would think it was reality." She said as she smiled a very wicked and sinister smirk. "That is how I always get my victims; through their dreams. Humans and youkais always think that they can escape to the world of dreams. But they never knew how dangerous it can be when the enemy is someone who can control the world of dreams and memories."

Homura looked at her normally sweet and innocent face now twisted into evil glee. "Subarashii…" The mumbled voice snapped Homura from his reverie. "Nani?"

"Subarashii… to see the fearful faces of the victims as they face their deaths in the world where they used to seek refuge from reality." She was smiling even more, but it looked vicious.

"Now I see how you got your name, Yume." He said respectfully to his subordinate. Yume's face turned from evil to solemn as soon as Homura spoke. She didn't look at Homura but lowered her head. Her bangs covered her eyes, so Homura couldn't tell what was wrong, but she smiled.

She then started chanting, but she still hadn't lifted her head. Homura didn't notice a single tear drop go down her cheek and fall onto the crystal ball.

_It's not my name......._

The next morning, neither Sanzo nor Goku was at breakfast. Goku was still asleep, but Sanzo… no one knew. He refused to leave his room or let anyone in. Gojyo was a little happy knowing that he could have a peaceful breakfast with Hakkai and Hakuryuu, but was worried nonetheless.

"So," Gojyo started as he stuffed his mouth with food. "How's Goku?" Hakkai didn't answer immediately; he fed Hakuryuu with a morsel of beef first.

"He's been sleeping quite well, but last night he woke up crying twice." Hakkai said regretfully. Gojyo slowed down a little a looked at his food; feeling sad for them all.

"I had to give him sleeping pills and hope that he would sleep a little better. It worked fortunately." Hakuryuu looked at his master and tried to cheer him up by nuzzling against his face. Hakkai just chuckled and patted Hakuryuu's head.

The two went silent, the sound of people eating their breakfast in the inn's restaurant seeming louder than usual. Breakfast was so long without Goku or Sanzo, it was too quiet. Hakkai looked at Gojyo and saw that he was trying his best to make it look alright. That made Hakkai smile again, no use moping around and just hoping that everything would be okay again. Just go on with life and try to make the best of it. They'd find a way, surely.

"Ne, Gojyo? Did you notice that everything that has happened has had one thing in common?" Hakkai waited for the answer, but was surprised to see that Gojyo was choking on a spring roll.

"Yeah. All of them started in their dreams." Gojyo finally answered after drinking a mug of beer to push down the spring roll. "Is there a youkai who can control dreams?" Hakkai asked again more to himself rather than Gojyo.

"No idea, but who knows. Every youkai has his own special abilities; like us. Goku might be the strongest youkai there is, you specialize in using you chi as weapon and for healing, while me; I might be the most gorgeous half-youkai there is." Gojyo ended it with a little joke and a charming smile, in attempt to make his lover a little more cheerful. And it worked; because Hakkai flashed a true smile at him and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"You always know how to make me feel better. Arigatou." With that he finished his breakfast feeling a little better. He still had to send breakfast to Sanzo and Goku. He also had to explain everything to Goku later. So much to do and the day was just beginning.

_Oh well. I guess Gojyo will have to do the shopping today._

After Goku woke up, he did eat, but very little, as in VERY. He only ate a few nikumans and a spring roll. Hakkai could see that he was still shaken up, even though he tried to be cheerful. Hakkai understood how he felt, he might be this shaken up if someone he trusted very much had tried to kill him, even in a dream.

"Why don't you eat more? You'll feel better if you do."

"Iie, I'm not that hungry.' He said mournfully. Hakkai just sighed and put the tray outside of the room. He looked down the hall at Sanzo's room and could see the tray of food he had left there for Sanzo. Hakkai can't do anything if Sanzo refuses so; the man will do what he wants, regardless of what people say.

"Where's Sa—, I mean; where's Gojyo?" Hakkai heard as he sat on a chair next to Goku's bed. Hakkai knew that Goku still worried about Sanzo, but he must have been afraid to voice it.

"He went shopping for our supplies." Hakkai answered plainly with a smile, not wanting to push the issue. "Oh..." Was all Goku could say. Hakkai then went to the table in the middle of the room to get some water for Goku.

"Sanzo's still in his room." He continued without looking at Goku. He could hear Goku's breathing hitch when he said that. He looked around and saw that Goku had lowered his head. Hakkai couldn't see his expression since Goku's brown locks were covering his eyes. As Hakkai walked back to him, Goku slowly raised his hand and touched the scar between his eyes. The scar he got while trying to help Sanzo the other day.

"Here you go." Hakkai handed the glass to him, but he didn't take it; so Hakkai put it on the bedside table. He looked back at Goku and saw his other hand clenching the blanket, so hard that it was shaking. Hakkai was about to pat him on the back when he saw a drop fall onto Goku's hand.

"Nande? Why did he try to kill me?"

Hakkai retracted his hand and took a deep breath before he began, "He didn't try to kill you. He never did." Goku abruptly lifted his head to look at Hakkai. "I saw him, Hakkai!! I saw him, I felt him!! How do you intend to explain that!?"

"I will, if you calm down."

Hakkai explained everything and Goku listened intently. He was quiet the whole time and every second, his eyes grew wider with surprise.

"That's it. The incident about Sanzo trying to kill you was all a dream. He tried to save you."

Goku was speechless; he didn't know what to think. "Demo, it was so real…the pain was too real to be a dream." He tried to reason out, just to prove to Hakkai that he wasn't lying, not to accuse Sanzo. In fact, he was glad to hear Sanzo was innocent.

"Goku, there are dreams that are so real, that we think they are reality. That kind of dream can even leave marks; just like the ones on your neck." Hakkai said with a smile. "The mind tends to play tricks on you. And dreaming is one of them." Hakkai looked at him as he nodded in understanding.

Goku still didn't know that Homura might be behind this, as Sanzo wouldn't allow them to tell him. Hakkai knew that Sanzo was worried, but the boy needed to know sooner or later. Hakkai thought he would see Goku smiling like usual now that things were cleared up. but what he saw was exactly the opposite.

"Goku? Daijobu?"

"I.....I just accused Sanzo.......I accused him of trying to kill me...." Goku said with a solemn face. Hakkai could see where this was going, but before he could do anything, Goku pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them.

"I....he...he's my sun........but I didn't trust him.........while he must have trusted me......." Hakkai didn't mean for things to get worse, but he didn't predict this would happen, not at all.

"He tried.....to save me......but.... sniff .....I accused him......of something terrible......."

"Goku! Get a hold of yourself." Hakkai tried to reason with him but it seemed that the boy was tuning out his voice as his tears started to make their way down his cheeks.

"......he must hate me now.......... sniff he'll.....leave.....me behind...... sniff .....

Goku rocked back and forth as he repeated those words again and again. Hakkai felt like crying upon seeing his state of mind right now. He knew how fragile Goku's mind was at the moment, and Sanzo might be the only one he held as a support.

"I'll be alone again.........."

Hakkai hugged Goku. "No! You're not alone Goku! You never will be. We won't leave you." But the boy was still the same; his blank eyes kept on looking at nothing as tears continued falling down. "He'll leave me......"

"He won't. Sanzo won't....so please, don't think about it anymore......"

But Hakkai knew that Goku wasn't going to listen to him. What he needed now was Sanzo.

Sanzo was examining himself in the mirror; he looked like a walking zombie because he was deprived of sleep. It's not that he didn't want to sleep, he just couldn't. He kept on hearing Goku's voice accusing him over and over again the whole night.

He did go to see Goku when the couple went for breakfast. He peeked into Hakkai's room and he saw that Goku was up and crying with his head behind his knees. He was about to go when he heard Goku's hoarse voice.

"Sanzo…What did I do that you hate me so? Until you want to kill me…I rather die than to hate you…than to be alone again…"

Sanzo clenched his teeth and forced himself to close the door. He wanted so much just to go in and hug him like he used to three years ago, but he couldn't. He might traumatize the boy if he did.

The moment Sanzo went into his room, he kicked the wall to vent his frustration. He was cursing in his mind a certain Kami for giving him this trouble. An hour later, he heard Hakkai's voice; telling him that breakfast was just outside. But he didn't have the appetite to eat. After a while he heard Goku's voice yelling;

"I saw him, Hakkai!! I saw him, I felt him!! How do you intend to explain that!?"

For a while, he heard nothing but guessed that Hakkai was explaining it to Goku. Sanzo lay back on the bed and waited. When he heard Goku's voice again, it was not from Hakkai's room, but in his head.

_/I didn't trust him..../_

He looked around and listened for the voice.

_/Now, he really hates me....I'll be alone again......./_

That moment he heard Hakkai's voice; coming from the room. Hearing the panic in the voice, he immediately went out of his and headed towards Hakkai's room. He listened to the noises inside and slowly opened the door to see what was happening. Again, he saw Goku's tears. These past two days, he had been crying more than trying to smile like he usually would do.

"No! You're not alone Goku! You never will be. We won't leave you."

He heard Hakkai's voice and he saw Hakkai hug Goku. This time, Sanzo could see Goku's eyes and was slightly surprised to see the blank looks they had. He saw Goku move his lips; the voice was barely audible, but Sanzo heard it anyway.

"He'll leave me......"

"He won't. Sanzo won't....so please, don't think about it anymore......"

Sanzo couldn't take it anymore. Screw Hakkai if he gets mad at him for not obeying, he didn't care. If he thinks Goku needs him, he will be there next to him. With that, he opened the door loudly to announce his presence, but Hakkai was the only one that noticed.

Sanzo looked at Hakkai and signaled that he would handle this. Hakkai understood perfectly and, in no time, was out. Sanzo locked the door and glanced at Goku. Slowly, he walked towards Goku and sat down on the bed. "Goku."

The boy snapped out of his reverie when he heard Sanzo's voice. He looked up and saw him, but he didn't know whether to go to him or to stay put, so he just lowered his head.

"Look at me when I call you." Sanzo said sternly but softly. Goku did as he was told and was ready for the worst. "You're giving me a lot of trouble, you know that?" That statement startled Goku and once again, tears welled up in his eyes, but he nodded nonetheless.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" It was more like demanding than asking a question.

"Go—gomen ne, Sa—Sanzo." He said slowly and he searched Sanzo's face for any sign that he might be forgiven, but the man just continued on looking at him with his usual scowl. Seeing no reaction from him, he continued on; "I—I didn't know... sniff …I thought you hated me…"

Sanzo sighed deeply when he saw the boy start to cry again. Slowly, he got up and moves closer to the boy. He then lifted the boy so that Goku was sitting on his lap. The boy seemed dazed, but when he looked up at Sanzo he felt relieved.

"Baka." Goku could feel an overwhelming relief washing over him. He then cried to his heart's content against Sanzo's chest, as he felt two arms securely holding him and Sanzo's chin resting on top of his head.

"Gomen ne! Gomen ne!! I—didn't mean to! I'm really, really sorry!" Goku keep on apologizing over and over again as he cried while Sanzo just kept quiet, occasionally saying a few comforting words.

"Gomen ne..."

"Just rest, saru."

Sanzo could feel his shirt getting wet, he didn't care. Right now he just wanted Goku to know that he'd always be there for him; that's all. Everything else would just have to wait. Sanzo was going to make sure that fucking Kami paid for making Goku depressed and confused.

"It seems that every thing is okay again."

Hakkai just smiled at the words. "Really? Yokatta..." Hakkai said as Gojyo finally tore his ear off the door. The moment Sanzo locked the room; Gojyo had come back from shopping, well, not really, as he had forgotten to ask for the gold card from Sanzo. When he heard that Sanzo was in the room with Goku, he immediately pressed his ear against the door to eavesdrop. Hakkai didn't try to stop him, since Gojyo wouldn't have listened to him anyway.

As Gojyo stood up straight, Hakkai closed his eyes let out a sigh of relief; he was glad that this was over, for now. When he opened his eyes again, he was shocked to see that Gojyo was right in front of him. Gojyo saw this and smiled. "I surprised you, didn't I?"

Before Hakkai could answer, Gojyo kissed him lightly on the lips. Hakkai was startled at first, but he quickly deepened the kiss. After awhile, they stopped to catch some fresh air. Hakkai glanced around, hoping that no one had seen them. Luckily, there was no one.

"You worry too much, Hakkai."

Hakkai just smiled and kissed him back. "Same as you, koi." He said sweetly after the kiss. They looked at each other with a knowing smile. After a few minutes of doing that, they finally let each other go.

"Now, let's go and finish up shopping."

"Kuso!!"

Yume smacked her crystal ball off the altar as anger seeped through her. _The spell should have worked!!_ Her beautiful face was scrunched up in fury as she glared at the crystal ball rolling across the room. She was so angry that Goku trusted Sanzo again, and so quickly too.

"This is the first time I've seen you mad, Yume."

She snapped towards the sound of Homura's voice. "Ho—Homura-sama!! Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Yume said as she bowed to the Kami. She was a mess; she only wore her night gown since she had come to her ritual room the first thing she after she woke up. Homura always gave her surprise visits in her mansion, unfortunately.

"So, the third stage failed?" He asked, amusingly but knowingly. "Hai, Homura-sama. It seems Goku's trust towards Sanzo was incomparable to my previous victims." Yume explained as she pulled her silver hair into a casual bun and materialized a long, sharp blood red hair pin, and used it to hold the bun. She sighed as she put the rest of her loosed hair behind her ear.

"But, never mind. All the other stages went well; we can use a direct approach." She said as if it were done already. Homura was slightly amused by her confidence. "How do you intend to do that?"

"Technically, the spell was to make the victim's memories altered. Memories have a strong effect on who we are today. But the memories are supported by our trust towards ourselves and the people around us." She said as she took out some vile filled with a black substance.

"By making the victim lose his trust towards another, he will doubt them and himself; thus making his mind vulnerable. Only then, can I alter the memories according to what you want." She then opened the vile and poured it on herself. Homura was again amused by her acts and wondered to himself what on earth this girl was thinking. Plus, this girl wasn't answering his question at all.

"And again; how are you going to do it?"

"We go and accomplish the third and the fourth stage ourselves," She then bit her finger and blood came out from the small wound. She used it to make symbols on her already stained face and arms. She then took a robe that was situated near the altar and put it on.

"If I can't make Goku distrust Sanzo by dreams, then I'll do it myself." She started to chant as she rose a few feet until an immense light shone brightly against the early sun, making Homura close his eyes in order not to blind himself. He could still hear the chanting until it slowly stopped.

After Homura was sure that the light was gone, or at least lessened; he peered around the room and saw the girl descending back to the ground. Homura could see what she meant and smirked.

"Well done, Yume."

Yume just smiled at him as he gave a small applause. She waved her hand and materialized a huge mirror next to her and slowly, she looked herself up and down, proud of her work. She then waved her hand again and turned around to adorn her work. She giggled like a little girl, but stopped immediately when she remembered that Homura was still there.

She quickly bowed and apologized to Homura. But Homura just leaned against the wall and opened his mouth to ask something that had been bothering him ever since this girl asked to work for him.

"Yume, I must admit; I've never met an 18 year old girl who can perform such high-ranked magic. I'm surprised that Gyumao's followers didn't ask you to join them."

The girl smiled sorely and answered the question. "I'm not 18, I'm much older than that. My true age is almost four hundred years old." Homura raised an eyebrow at her statement.

"Oh?"

"I come from a clan of youkai whose bodies only grow one year older by human's standard once every 10 years. My clan was small but because of our ability, we were respected and feared. Gyumoa himself came to us and asked us to be on his side but…I don't know whether or not they accepted." She said gloomily. She cleaned the mess she made and found the crystal ball she had thrown a few minutes ago. She lifted it up and as she peered through it with a solemn face, continued.

"But.....I was an exception. My body grows older once every twenty years; and my clan believed that I was their new future leader."

"Where are they now?" Homura asked the seemingly innocent question, unaware that the girl would glare at him with eyes full of hatred.

"The clan is gone.......wiped out...."

The last few sentences after that weren't audible, but Homura didn't press it. He make a move to leave.)

"Well, tell me when your plan is commencing. I think I'm going to enjoy this."

Yume bowed at Homura as the Kami headed towards the door. "Hai, a few hours from now."

"Fine"

Homura teleported himself to Konran Tower and sat back on his throne. Soon after, Shien materialized and bowed immediately to his superior. "Homura-sama, are you sure about this plan?"

Homura smirked. "I am." Shien stared at Homura searching for any doubts, but found none.

"Very well, but you do know what will happen to Goku if the spell backfires." Shien said, reminding Homura of the possibilities.

"If he goes through it, then his strength is something we should expect more of than we do." With that, Shien went silent; analyzing the words. He got up and took his place next to Homura.

"Yare, yare. We're really doing this?"

Zenon stepped out of the shadows in the corner of the throne room while rubbing the back of his neck. He didn't need the answer considering he heard the whole, and very short, conversation.

Homura couldn't wait for Yume's visit to the Sanzo-ikkou. This will be interesting indeed.

_And Goku will finally be mine._

To be continued.....

A/N: Well, that's it folks! Hope you enjoy it. And here is the reply for all of the review that was given to me!!

**Crimson1:** Thanks. But about the monologue thingy in the dream with the snow, I took it from the manga, just in case you didn't know. But thanks anyway, that was the best compliment so far!

**Lirin****-Chan:** Thank you. And you're welcome! I hope you love this chap.

**Keistje** Yeah, I know. But sanzo wouldn't be Sanzo if he shows that he really cares about Goku, right?

**Ethereal light:** Thanks. Glad you like it. I am! So, don't worry!

**SLIS: **Oh dear. I hope you haven't died yet from the suspense. Thanks, I know it would. Yeah, you're welcome. It was no problem.

**Atsu**** Tenshi:** Sorry, I have a knack for writing long chapters, but glad you like it! I hope this was worth your wait. Sure, it was no prob!

**RuByMoOn17:** Sorry it wasn't soon enough.

**Zelgadis55:** You're a Slayers fan, aren't you? Anyway, yeah, I know how that feels. Sometimes you can't even find the story you wanna read. And thanks for the compliments. I hope you love this chap.

**Koryu-sanzo** It does? Yeah, it does look purplish-periwinkle. Thanks! hugs back And thanks for putting my story in your favourite list. And thanks for the red ballon. Here's a brownie!

**Nya** This is the shortest and the cutest short name I ever seen. Really? I'm glad you do. Yes, I know it's gonna be sad, but I'm not telling if it'll be a happy ending. Thanks, I was hoping that it is.

**Flames Afire:** I'm sorry that I'm late. But thanks for waiting!

**Wasabii** Sorry. Here, I hope you love this chap.

**Yumekage** Aly- I mean; Akuma! What are you doing here? I thought you don't like yaoi? Yes, I know you don't know. See? I'm not such a goodie-goodie little girl most people think I am, hehe. Why would Xellos like Yaoi? Is it because he's a Mozaku? Really? But there are kissing scenes here, does that count as Shonen-ai or yaoi? No, I won't make a hardcore Yaoi. I can't bring myself to write lime, let alone lemon.

Xellos Ha? No lemon? Damn.

Hakkai He sounds like me. The voice I mean.

Eve: Ha ha.....wonder why.... Yes Xellos-san, there'll be no lemon.

Xellos Are you sure......? Hehe....... smile malevolently 

Eve: Hakkai!! He's scaring me. Q.Q

Hakkai & Xellos: Are, are.

Eve: You guys sounded like twins....;;;

A/N: My last note before the next update. The next Update will happen around Christmas, so wait for it. And please, stop spamming my e-mail! You know who you are, so please stop it. Thank you! I hope you all will wait for the next chap, please don't go away!! I wuv you guys!! After the National exams, I'll be updating quicker!! So, please wait and thank you for reading this!!


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